TOASTER
by HyperFriend13
Summary: Yaoi. AxelRoxas, ZexionDemyx, SoraRiku, and more. Axel goes into TOASTER, a gay bar, only to find it empty save for two odd bartenders. He decides to help them out and brings some friends. Strange adventures, both funny and romantic, unfold. More inside.
1. Chapter 1

**TOASTER**

AUTHOR'S NOTE!

Hello! Before Karesu and I begin, I'd like to say that this story calls for a dramatic voice. We're sorry, but that's how it was written, and if you don't use dramatic voices (real or not, it doesn't matter) this will just sound _dumb._ Or maybe not, but we still suggest it! Oh, and before we forget, this story WILL contain and hint at YAOI, YURI, and the like. We find bolding things help people. Yaoi is boyXboy, Yuri is girlXgirl. Don't like don't read.

Warning: We bold and italisize seemingly random words for emphasis. You've been WARNED!

Disclaimer: we don't own anyone in this story except ourselves and our friends. This saddens Karesu, who would love to glomp Reno. And this saddens me, because who wouldn't want the organization to themselves?

Summary: Axel goes into TOASTER, a gay bar, only to find it empty save for two odd bartenders. He decides to help them out and brings some friends later on. Strange adventures, both funny and romantic, unfold from day to day. Who's the boss? What's with the guy across the street? How on Earth is TOASTER supposed to become the most popular bar in the city? More questions, more answers. Read on to find out!

Susan: Did I do a good job Karesu? Huh?

Karesu: Shut up. And you! Readers! Get on with the story!

This should be all, so on to Chapter One!

**Chapter One **(Karesu's POV)

You, yes you! What do you think you're doing in the middle of someone else's thoughts? Or maybe that was just the wind… then again maybe not because I'm not outside! I guess none of that matters really, because I could really use the company! You don't talk much do you? No matter, I talk enough for at least two people, maybe three if the timing is right.

Where are you? That's simple, you're at my work! Well, not that it's really exciting… and I can count the customers on one hand… but that won't take away our pride and joy saying! 'TOASTER, the best bar on the block!' not counting that we are the ONLY bar on the block.

We make the best bloody marries here, but not too many have had the HONOR of tasting one. But that's getting off topic. What is on topic? The fact that when I was RUDELY interrupted, I was in the process of using my newly acquired ninja skills, right off the mission impossible DVD, and making sure the coast was clear.

Leaning over the counter top, I looked left and right, up and down (you don't know when someone is going to fall from the ceiling). Very quietly I spun around wildly, stopped swiftly and looked around. Nothing happened. I looked around again, everything was silent and I sunk behind the counter, whipping out my PSP and started to play… Iraq War II. I was about to kill Bush, you should HEAR that man whine… in a really weird accent too, thank goodness he isn't real. Anyway, I was about to kill Bush when…

"DIANNA!" It was my boss.

"Actually I prefer to be called…"

"Dianna!"

"But…"

"Dianna!"

"Fine, Dianna… What do you WANT?"

"Stop playing VIDEO GAMES and get to WORK!" he marched through a door and out of sight.

I looked at my screen and huge letters informed me that the game was… over. I had been pwn'ed by Bush… that's sad.

So what do I do? I gasp out loud, fall back dramatically, and shriek.

"Who the _fuck_ are YOU?" I shouted. There was a really tall (or that may be because I was laying on the ground at this point) red-head above me, leaning over the counter. His green eyes were quizzical, and I could almost SEE him thinking 'well this is rather or odd' or 'damn, why is such a weirdo working at a place like this, I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE!' most likely the second one.

"Uh, well, Axel. And I, uh, heard you guys have some good bloody marries." He replied.

I jumped up and brushed myself off. Grabbing a glass and some vodka I said, "Yes, we do. I am proud to say that they are the BEST bloody marries on the BLOCK! Ha! I take it that you'd like one."

"Yeah, kinda. My brother Reno said he stopped by this place while waiting for his laundry to finish. You know the guy?"

I stopped shaking the drink for a minute. My memory flashed back to the wonderful moment of Reno walking through the doors like the God that he is, and saying, 'Scotch on the Rocks please'. Yes. That was worth hearing.

"Nope! Never heard of him!" I slid the drink to Axel.

"Shame." He said. "Maybe your buddy there met him?"

"Huh?" I said, twirling around.

"Hey Karesu!" Susan said, striding over with her head in a book. "Your shift's over. You're free to…"

"NO IT ISN"T!" I screamed. "YOU LIE! YOU LIE LIKE A RUG!" Axel snorted and Susan looked up.

"Oh my god. We _actually_ have a customer! And you didn't scare him off! That's wonderful!" pause "Hey, he looks kinda like the guy you were raving about. You know, red hair, eye tattoos…"

"Susan, if you value your life, that sentence will stay a fragment. Got it?"

"Ulp. Yes Karesu." Susan set her book down and turned to Axel.

Axel smirked. "So you did see my brother. Huh. Interesting." He finished the drink. "Well, thanks girls. That wasn't half bad." He laughed at Karesu's pout, then stopped abruptly. "You two… aren't… uh, doing anything _together_ are you? I mean, um, seeing as this place is, uh… a, um…"

"Gay bar? Nah. Two of us? We just work together." Susan said. I looked shocked.

"Susan! You mean to tell me you don't love me anymore? I thought we had something special!" I grabbed her arm, and she looked _slightly_ aggravated. "I'll do ANYTHING to make it better! Was it—the games? I'll give up my PSP for you!" It was Susan's turn to look shocked.

"You'd really do that? For ME?" Suddenly the two of us realized that Axel was giving us a funny look and scooting away.

"WE'RE KIDDING! We're just kidding!" We screamed in unison.

"I wasn't lying when I said that we just work together." Susan said.

"Yeah! Don't leave! You're our only customer!" I added.

"But I'm DONE with my drink, and I kinda have to leave anyway." He scratched the back of his head and quickly made his escape… or something like that. He headed straight for the doors when all of a sudden, CRASH. He ran into our boss, who was blocking his way, arms spread.

"You haven't paid yet." Was all he said to Axel.

"Oh." Was all he had to say in return. Susan quickly walked around the counter and to his side.

"That'll be 250 munny bub." She said, holding out her hand.

"Don't say bub. That's rude. It's like pointing out he's a jackass for not paying us. Isn't that right Axel?" Axel got the hint and paid up.

"See Susan? All it takes is a little patience and some kind words. You're a good guy Axel. But I still think you're a tinsy bit of a bastard for not leaving a tip. After all we've done to entertain you too…"

"We'll never get anything from him. Then I'll go broke and have to eat my puppy." Susan said quietly.

"It's all right. We'll chop up this insolent little fuck and barbeque him. Cannibalism may be frowned upon, but I think it's okay, seeing as he's an asshole, not a human."

Axel couldn't stand it anymore. "Alright, alright. Here! Buy yourself a life." He said to Susan.

"Yay!" She shouted. "A great big hug to you!"

"Now wait! I wanna hug him!" Axel kinda twitched at this.

"Are you two drunk?" He asked, turning to leave again.

"Nope! You got lucky. You caught us sober! Well anyway, goodbye and see you in hell!" I said, smiling sweetly.

"Bye Axel! I'll miss you, my favorite (only) customer!" Susan said, waving like the spaz she is.

"…" our boss decided that his duty was done and walked out of the room, again.

"Jeez, no wonder this place is empty." Axel said. He took a glance over his shoulder. Susan was pointing at me and I was glaring at her.

"Seriously, it isn't our fault." I said.

"Yeah. Everyone goes to those weird twins' bar on the other side of town. Nobody comes here. Nobody's heard of it." Susan said.

"Except for that dude across the street who yells at us at random intervals of the day."

"Yeah. Everyone else who's heard of it pretends it doesn't exist or bashes it 'cause we're a gay bar."

"Those who _are _gay stay away because this is one of the least popular places. It's better to be seen in Kairi's and Namine's bar then this dump."

"What was that?" our boss said, peeping through a door.

"Nothing!" I said in a singy-songy voice.

"You can imagine, can't you? If you're friends with jocks but end up finding out you're gay. What are you supposed to do? It'd be easier to be seen as a "cool" gay then as a lame, candy-assed, emo/loner dude who drinks bloody marries while waiting for lunch in this wasteland."

"What was THAT?" came the voice again.

"NOTHING!" said Susan in the same tone as me. Axel laughed.

"Well, you know what? Seeing as I've got a few friends, and you all think I'm such a bad guy, I'll recommend this place. You know, to show you I'm not the devil. How does that sound?"

"That sounds like two raises and a lot of fun!" Susan said, jumping around. Axel laughed again.

"Meh, I'm not convinced… you're actually helping our cause? Likely story. Oh, and I'm not convinced about that whole 'being the spawn of Lucifer' thing." I gave him a hard look.

"Don't pay attention to her! Telling you to go to hell is… is… her way of showing she likes you!" Susan said, beaming with pride.

"Got to hell." I said, looking her dead in the eye.

"But you say that in the most LOVING way possible, right?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at me. I just shrugged. "Meh."

"Alright, but truly, I've got to go now girls. So, I'll see you later." Axel said with a wave.

As he was about to cross the street to his car, I screamed out "Bring Reno with you!"

Axel screamed back, "Who's Reno? Didn't think you knew he existed!"

"I don't! Bring him anyways!" I returned. Susan just smirked and whispered, "Life is gonna get interesting."

Boy, was she right.

THE AFTERNOTE!!!!

Hello all you strange people! Karesu and I are so thrilled you've gotten this far! Together, we have thought up many different plots, and be warned because we're in most of them. But that doesn't change the fact that it's about Axel and all his little buddies. We promise more will come in soon! If you don't hate them, that is.-.-

Susan

Feh. I am amazed you actually took some time to read this… the story not just the note. If you enjoy it, I guess you can review. If you hate it, you can review TWICE with about ten pages about how much we suck. Then you can read the updates, and the process starts all over again. Have fun with that.

Karesu

P.S. We don't work at a bar of any type yet. Please don't murder us if we spelt or said something stupid or wrong. Instead, give us helpful criticism. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two!

Susan's POV

The day was lazy, and time passed all too slowly. I was twirling around on a stool and Karesu was under the counter leveling up in Iraq War II. The only noise in TOASTER was the squeaking of the chair, the tick of the clock, the pushing of buttons, and the occasional curse from my very determined friend. I was getting kinda cold. I was cast in shadow, mostly because our blinds were stuck and one of the bulbs was blinking out. flicker flicker flicker flicker tick tock tick tock sigh

"I swear, every third tick is slower!" I said. Karesu rolled her eyes.

"And let me guess. Every fifth flicker is faster."

"….One….Two….Three….Four….Five…." I counted. "You're right! It is faster!"

"Sarcasm just bounces off of you, doesn't it."

"Was THAT sarcasm?"

"No. No it wasn't." _starry eyed mode_ _I bet RENO gets sarcasm._

There was an awkward silence of five seconds and another gay baby was born. I sighed again and Karesu went on with her game. As time passed, we each got more involved with our respective interests. I kept staring at the clock and Karesu started shouting at her game.

"Soldier down! Damn that Bush! How dare he knock off my left quadrant with his puny tank troop! I shall avenge their deaths! They shall get awards of the highest honor, funerals of the best quality, and their memories shall never be forgotten! They shall not have died in vain! ATTACK!" Karesu ended her mini-rant and pressed the buttons even more violently then before. A few more minutes passed. I had turned my attention to a painting on the wall. It was titled Moonlight Maiden, and it depicted a lovely lady stretched out on a red velvet sofa. Across her was strewn a black satin sheet that glittered as moonlight danced upon it. Her head rested against the armrest, her silver locks flowing over the other side like a waterfall. She watched over the near empty room with a lustful gaze, as if taunting the ghosts of past drinkers with her beauty. This annoyed me. Why couldn't I be that pretty, as Karesu would say, 'Meh'.

I heard a noise and twirled around only to come face to face with my boss. He stared at me and I stared back. He opened his mouth and I opened mine.

"Get to work." "There's no work." We said at the same time.

"What?" he asked.

"We washed the dishes seven times OUT OF BOREDOM!"

"… I think they're getting dusty, Dianna, time for round eight." A bell jingled, signaling the entrance of—

"RENO! YOU CAME FOR ME! I knew this day would come, that my love wouldn't remain unrequited!" Karesu shouted as her PSP clattered to the floor.

"Uh, Karesu, you do realize that it's not Reno, right?" I asked.

"Wait, what? Oh, it's just you, the random guy that bursts in on us and yells for no good reason."

"First of all, I had a good reason. You were loud and I couldn't concentrate. I live across the street, and was working in the other end of my house, and I could still hear you. You are NOISEY. Second, I didn't come here to yell at you. Not this time, at least. I came to warn you that a giant mob of black is slowly migrating down the street. Although I seriously doubt that they'll have anything to do with this…" he wrinkled his nose "_place_, but I decided to inform you of them because when they pass this place up, you may get some common sense and close down. This, as you might realize, would leave me be and the neighborhood will once again be undisturbed by your… ruckus."

Our boss gave him a measured look, murder shown in his eyes. "Zexion… were you here for any other reason?"

"Not particularly…"

"Kindly get the fuck out of my gay bar." Once the intruder, as a certain comrade of mine claims him to be, left so did our boss. We never really figured out where he goes… but we have a pretty good idea that it involves the black market.

"Do you… really think that such a group exists? I mean it could be emo-guy pulling one over on us. Even if there WAS such a group, I highly doubt they would come in here." Karesu said sighing as she picked up her PSP, the batteries had spewed out due to the fall it suffered earlier.

"Well… they sound like freaks… and we are kinda a two-girl freak show… so there is a possibility! Just like there is a possibility of you getting together with the Reno guy!" I chirped being the vigilant optimist I am.

"What do you mean there is JUST a possibility! You make it sound like the brainwashing technique I learned from that one magazine does not work! He is totally going to fall in love with me now!" Karesu glowered back. I was about to protest that magazines weren't quite the most reliable source in the world, until a bell chimed and some actual customers walked in. Axel was leading the pack.

"Hey girls!" he chimed in happily as he made his way to the bar, "told you that I would bring some friends along with me this time!" and he did. True to his word there were more people filing into the club. In trooped about half a dozen people all wearing mostly black.

"I'd like you to meet my good friend Demyx." Axel said as a blonde mullet-haired boy walked in and waved. "He plays a mean guitar. And this is Xigbar--"

"Xiggy. Haha" Karesu muttered.

"What?" asked Xigbar.

"Xiggy played guitar. Jamming good with--"

"No, that's Demyx…" Axel said.

"And I play mostly _sitar_." Demyx added.

"What on Earth's a sitar?" I asked.

"Well, it's sorta like a guitar, only different." Demyx tried to explain.

"Very informative" Karesu said sarcastically.

"That's that sarcasm again, isn't it?!" I yelped.

"You actually caught on! I'm impressed!" The three boys just stared. Xigbar broke into a fit of giggles at my serious face, and the others were quick to join.

"What's so funny guys?" A dirty blond asked.

"Just this girl, but it's nothing now." Xigbar said. I just stuck my tongue out in response. Axel, who had doubled over, stood up and whipped away a tear.

"Girls, this is Luxord. He gambles. A LOT. In fact, I wouldn't advise you playing him because he knows every trick in the book."

"Knows the book? He WROTE the book! He could pwn Las Vegas if he wasn't the lazy bum he is."

"I'm not lazy, I'm poor." To this everyone just stared. "What? I just spend my money on good drinks. Like now. I'd like to try your infamous bloody mary, if you don't mind girls?" The boys laughed and ordered their own drinks as well. The two of us quickly took our long-abandoned spots behind the counter and started to do what we knew best: how to make drinks.

The four guys, and us, were joking around at the counter while Karesu and I made them their drinks. This went on for several more moments until the door burst open and shrill voices could be heard.

"That is NOT what a Moomba is! I'm sorry, it just isn't… hell you KNOW it isn't!" A deep voice came from behind a blonde girl that was walking in. I could already see Karesu swooning over it because it belonged to that Reno character she is infatuated with.

"Oh, really?" The blonde girl, who kind if reminded me of a pray-mantis because of these two strands of hair that arched up, yelled at the other red head who was now in sight. "Then what do YOU think a Moomba is? Hm? You haven't said word one about your opinion, and frankly I would like to hear YOUR bright idea." She seethed in a very annoyed tone, her posture enhancing the menacing look. She looked rather familiar, but I couldn't place it. The mantis woman finally turned around and spotted us, eyes wide. "What the FUCK are you doing here?"

"Um… we work here." Karesu said, almost as surprised as I was to see our neighbor before us. Larxene was a girl that was in the apartment next to the one Karesu and I shared about three blocks away.

"You know them?" Axel inquired, eyebrow arched.

"Oh course I know them! We have gotten so many damn complaints between the two of us; I'm surprised we haven't been kicked out of our apartment complex yet. Oh Susan, remember that one time the old geezer from downstairs, ya know first floor, started a 'broom line' to get us to shut up? Good times, good times." She sighed, fond memories flashing through her mind.

"Or using the swimming pool to see if the neighbor's cat could swim." Karesu smirked over at the blonde.

"That's horrible, cruelty to animals is wrong." Reno said, annoyance showing on his features.

"You are totally right! You should be ashamed of yourself Larxene!" Karesu said once again, changing her tune very quickly.

"It was YOUR idea Karesu!" Larxene huffed.

"No it wasn't! You LIE! YOU LIE LIKE A RUG!" Karesu growled back.

"That joke was old the first time you said it." Axel muttered under his breath.

"It WAS your idea, remember? 'Come on Larx, lets see if this little kitty can swim' then gave a smirk and scampered off with the cat!" Mantis woman growled.

"It was NOT my idea! It was… it was… SUSAN! Its Susan's fault! Blame her!" Karesu pouted and pointed at me, although I was doing what I was SUPPOSED to be doing and mixing drinks.

My head came up and I looked defensive, "What? No, I didn't do it! I don't want to go on the cart! Wait a moment, I think I actually did." I finished with a sheepish smile.

"WHAT?" Everyone said in unison.

"How could you?" Reno gasped in absolute shock.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it! I was most likely sugar high! I am ashamed of myself! I didn't mean to…"

"But its one of the worst crimes in the history of... history!" Demyx said, eyes almost overflowing with tears.

"Great make me feel even WORSE about myself!" Susan cried, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…wait what did I do again?"

There was a long drawn out silence.

"You don't remember? Were you drunk?" Xigbar asked.

"No… I don't drink."

Another long and drawn out silence.

"You work at a bar… and you don't drink?" Luxord asked, his eyebrow rose, draining his third glass of alcohol.

"Nope, I don't like how some of the alcohol tastes… and a lot of my friends' say they don't want to know what would happen if I was, at all, influenced by alcohol. But mostly because I'm a light weight… its horrible."

"Well how would you know that if you have NEVER gotten drunk?" Larxene growled.

"Well, a few New Year eve's ago in New York, I had a shot that a certain _friend_ of mine convinced to me have." I sent a glare in the general direction of Karesu.

"Hi Susan" She said back, waving at me.

"Bad, horrible, things happened. I think some people are _still _scarred for life."

"Like what?" Demyx piped up.

"I… don't remember!" Everyone sweat dropped.

"How can you not remember?" Xigbar asked. "Karesu, you remember right?"

"No, I don't remember! And for future reference, I don't have it on a conveniently kept video either! Of course I don't! What kind of person do you think I am?!" Karesu rambled.

"You're not a person, you're the devil." I said. Everyone laughed and continued their merriment.

A/N

Ha! We didn't forget you! We just had to work on our grades a little. coughenglishcough How does a fanfic writer fail English, I DON'T KNOW! But Karesu is and I've got a 78. Scratch that, with the 10 points added it's an 88, and I was out sick a week so it DOESN'T COUNT! I've got A's in my other classes but NO, that's not good enough for _my _parents. pouts and reads fanfiction

Susan

You haven't done what I asked. I said review, but you haven't done so, like I said review even more if you hate it or review in general. Susan just pointed at me and said 'don't give them that look' and hoarded her cookies. Silly cookie hoarder, cookies are for those who can steal them from you. steals one of Susan's cookies It amuses me. English is evil, it just really is, and we are starting Romeo and Juliet gags love stories, meh.

Karesu

Unrelated note: The two of us are reading Sin High, and it can be found on your very own It is a FMA story, and a damn good one at that. It's unbelievably hilarious, but contains hints to yaoi so you've been warned. But so does our story, so that shouldn't really be an issue, should it? Anyways, it's Ed/Envy but even Karesu who can't stand the pairing is in love with this ficcy. Like I said, funny as hell, so read.

the two of us, with love.


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